Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Gluten Cycle (Record Length Post)

In riding the gluten rollercoaster and failing at life, I often think that I should "detox" for a while. Absolutely nothing else to eat except fruit, vegetables, rice, and some plain meat. I once did it for about two days (with coffee thrown in there, as I wasn't that committed), and I felt pretty good. Except for the whole hunger thing.

I think I was glutened again today. Just as I should have been at the very start of the upswing after Sunday, I felt it this afternoon. The overwhelming need to close my eyes. Spending two minutes mentally rehearsing how I'm going to get up out of my chair before I find the motivation to do it. The rumbly, grumbly gut feeling. I've noticed that if I get glutened in quick succession (within a couple days), the symptoms are almost instant.

I thought I was being good. I got my produce box last night and promptly roasted some vegetables and grilled some plain chicken. I was ready to go!

So: with that in mind, I've narrowed it down to three possibilities.

1. Nature Made calcium plus vitamin D.

I try to take this often, but I'm your typical non-adherent patient. I took one this morning. Since it is sporadically used, it may have caused many glutenings in the past which I could not pin down.

2. Pacific almond milk.

I know they say "gluten free" and that they have all these allergen-removing cleaning procedures that they do every day. But they still run GF products on the same lines as gluten. Big FAIL. (but I still take the chance of drinking it. So who is really to blame?? ------> arrow pointing at me)

And... the one I most highly suspect...

3. Green tea. I think the brand might be Organic Pure??

I made this at work today. I was tired before it, but I was really tired after it. To the point where I could barely think, move, and function. Then I ran (slowly? and with poor coordination?) to the bathroom.

Would anyone like a half box of green tea bags? I think I'm gonna just bump up the caff in my coffee for the next few days and avoid tea.

The other part of the gluten cycle isn't just trying to pinpoint a culprit. It's also dealing with the symptoms. I haven't yet found a good way to solve the problem (obviously, since this happens multiple times weekly...)

I know that I should go on instant detox. The irony is that when I'm glutened, I'm in no state of mind (or body) to deprive myself further.

The carb cravings are crazy. Caffeine is guaranteed to be the only way I'm getting my sorry butt to work tomorrow. I'm so tired, I'm ready to drop, but when I drop, I can't actually sleep well. A glass of wine is the only remedy I've found.

Sometimes, I almost hear my adrenal glands complaining. Hey, crazy lady! What do you think you're doing?? We're already working overtime trying to make up for your massive amounts of inflammation, and now you throw this at us? Chocolate cake? Mac and cheese?? Alcohol??? Caffeine????

You really expect us to calm down and ever get your body back to normal?

The really sad part is when I start arguing back :)

I digress... but the point is- I think I can't detox for a few days because I'm afraid of two things.

1. That it won't work (have had this happen before), and I'll just be glutened again after having put forth that much effort


2. That it will work, and that I will have to eat (or not eat, as it may be) that way for the rest of my life.

It is hard enough to deal with what I'm already dealing with. I can't give up everything. At least not for more than a few days.

So I guess my plan is this. I'll indulge the cravings for a short time. Maybe 1 day. I did bake a chocolate cake (Namaste... mmmm....), can't let it go to waste! Guess I should put it in the freezer. I already had two pieces for supper. Welcome to Glutened Land.

Then, I'm going to plan, plan, plan for a 3-day period of nothing remotely problematic. Except coffee, but I'll sacrifice and drink it black. I will use PB from a jar to eat with my apple for breakfast. But that's about it. Oh, and Larabars.

See how this quickly gets out of hand?? Too many exceptions.

Why did I go into all this detail and post it online? It's accountability, friends. No one wants to hear me moan about my symptoms and plan out my diet in real life, and I certainly don't blame them! So here it is, in black and white. Or gray, or purple, or whatever color my basic blog is now.

Here goes nothing. I'm going to go finish off the almond milk so I'm not tempted to put it in my coffee tomorrow! And put (what's left of) the cake in the freezer... And pack my lunch... And get ready to feel hungry but better starting tomorrow! Here's hoping!


Earthtonegirl said...

Ugh, it's so frustrating, going back and second-guessing everything you've eaten in the past 48 hours. Was it this? Was it that? Was it CC from the pan? And I totally understand the comfort food cravings. When I feel draggy, I crave sugar, and cave, even though I know it'll make me crash further... Speaking of which, where are those cookies...?

Everything you mentioned specifically says it's GF (I checked--I'm a compulsive researcher) but of course there's always contamination. ARGH. Hope you have better luck this week.

Sarcastic Celiac said...


I think those cookies are conveniently located next to the chocolate cake I'm currently eating. You know, the one that was in the freezer 5 minutes ago...

Thanks for the comment, it's nice to know you can relate! (which sounds a little sick and twisted, like I'm happy that you get sick, but you know what I mean)

All the best,