Drugs

Imagine with me, if you will:

You committed yourself to an insane dietary plan like GAPS, SCD, etc. It helped, so you try to stick to it for the most part. You've had to add a little rice or quinoa here and there, but you at least remember what you learned from going GAPS. You decide to feed your child accordingly, starting with vegetables and fruits (organic as possible), adding grass-fed beef, pastured chicken and eggs, and so on.

And then teething starts. And goes on for months. And the poor child can barely function, much less sleep.

(And this is the ONE situation in which you really, really wish she still took a pacifier... at least she'd have something to chomp on while falling asleep...)

So, tired of seeing poor baby in pain, you decide that maybe giving her some Tylenol isn't the end of the world. After all, you are a pharmacist. You're supposed to like drugs, right?!

So maybe acetaminophen (hereafter known as APAP) might contribute to asthma development. Or might overwhelm her tiny liver. But you look past those minute risks, and decide that the benefits win.

The bottle says gluten free. Yay! Easy win there!

Then you look at the list of ingredients. #1 is anhydrous citric acid, which you know you can't tolerate, as most commercial citric acid is derived from an Aspergillus mold, therefore activating your overly-sensitive yeast/mold sensor.

Following is a list of other ingredients just as questionable. The label touts "No high fructose corn syrup!", which is great, but the stuff has a bunch of sucralose in it, the likes of which alters GI flora. And sorbitol, a sugar alcohol that can cause diarrhea. There is basically no sweetener that could make me happy.

Hmmm...

And now that the infant drops have been discontinued, you have to give her 3.75 mL to get the 120 mg dose you want. Doesn't sound like much, but that's like four swallows!

(Maybe we could have kept that concentration available for parents who read the label carefully and follow directions. I can see flaming comments in my future... but it sure would be handy. Should have bought a ton before it totally went off the shelves, but didn't think about it. Fail. I know the new standard concentration is safer, yada yada, but still. Come on.)

Too bad you can't just give her plain APAP powder, if you could get your hands on it. Which you can't. Plus, it tastes horrendously bitter (thus the flavoring...).

So what to do? Wouldn't it be nice to have something like a plain, concentrated suspension you could add to some appropriate food? I would totally give it to her in a syringe filled with applesauce...

Wish I could do that. Blend modern drugs and science with vehicles more appropriate for natural and organic diets.

I feel like such a schmuck for being so anal about what she eats, then pumping her full of this crap for dessert at every meal. But hey, we gotta do what we gotta do, and this kid is the slowest teether in the history of dentition.

And by the way, her diarrhea abruptly stopped when she went a day without APAP. Guess I have my answer there. Ick.